“There’s nothing more daring than showing up, putting ourselves out there and letting ourselves be seen.”
- Brene Brown
Imagine being at a large party. You are smiling, having fun, enjoying yourself. But in the back of your mind you are wondering, “Do people really see me, value me, know who I am?
Imagine yourself in a zoom meeting. You are engaged and collaborating. In the back of your mind you’re wondering, “do people really see me, value me, know who I am and how much I have to offer.”
Do you ever feel you’re not truly being seen by people? That you may be conversing but not being heard? Do people really know and appreciate you for who you are? Now ask yourself the same questions about you seeing, hearing and appreciating others.
Seeing others and being seen is not “soft.” It drives motivation, behavior and connections. It’s more than a feeling. The feeling is the outcome driven by awareness and...
"Self-compassion can lead to increased motivation, less depression, more optimism, greater happiness, more life satisfaction."
- Kristin Neff –
World renowned researcher on self-compassion
What we know is self-compassion makes us more resilient, better parents, better leaders and happier, to boot. Who would turn that down?
Have you been under the assumption that it’s selfish to have compassion for yourself? That you need to think of others first? Do you have a voice in your head telling you that you’re not good enough, or that you can do better or do things differently?
Why is it that most of us have more self-compassion for others than ourselves?
Here’s the truth - We are all naturally wired this way!
Based on human evolution, in order to stay safe we focused on threats and problems. To survive, we then avoided those threats or problems or we fixed them. This self-criticism we have comes from a wholesome desire of safety, albeit - physical...
"The quality of a leader is reflected in the standards they set for themselves."
- Ray Kroc
Have you ever thought about the qualities great leaders embody? When you think about a great manager or head of a company you have worked at, what behaviors did they exhibit? How did they act in difficult and stressful situations? What about qualities of a great parent, head of a committee or someone who sits on a board?
It’s interesting how we have expectations or possibly hopes that people in certain positions behave in a way that fits our expectations for that position. Have you thought about those qualities for yourself in your position whether you have a title or not?
Recently a client mentioned feeling uncomfortable due to the environment created by the CEO. Events such as yelling matches, angry emails and texts and blatant disrespect for employees have become common in his workplace. And this has trickled down to the managers and employees, creating a malignant atmosphere....
"In order to get to a healthier and more productive place,
we need to give up our fear of conflict, turmoil and resistance."
- John M Gottman
Have you ever said “it’s not worth it” or “I pick my battles” when someone asks you why you don’t deal with a conflict? Are you not bringing up matters that are important to you because you’re worried about ruining or ending the relationship?
During a coaching session this week, our client said he doesn’t “do well” with conflict. “Let’s dig deeper and discuss what that means to you.” He continued to explain that when there is drama or conflict, he just avoids it. Plain and simple. By ignoring the issue, he allows the relationship to continue status quo despite being frustrated.
Here’s a thought - this may have more to do with self-worth than anything else.
Let’s first define our terms – what is self-worth? The sense of one’s own value...
Have you participated in a sport where you were totally motivated by your coach and a friend or teammate didn’t feel the same way? Or vice versa? Did you quit the team just because you may not have had a connection with your coach? If you loved the sport you probably found motivation and coaching from someone else.
Career and executive coaching is the same and yet many times people stop coaching because they assume if they don’t connect with one, then they won’t connect with any of them.
I recently started coaching a client who had a previous coach she did not work well with. The coach was experienced and fantastic at her role – they just did not click!
When choosing a doctor, teacher, co-worker, or any working relationship, we are always looking to find that right person to connect with. This is also true for a coaching and client relationship.
“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.”
- Oprah Winfrey
“Don’t they see what a great job I’m doing?”
“Why did they get promoted and I didn’t? I’ve been here longer and I do a great job!”
“I don’t understand why I keep getting passed over.”
“Do I have to leave and come back to be promoted?”
Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve said one of these statements or heard them from others. The question is, what are you waiting for? I do understand that it may feel uncomfortable for many of you. If it is uncomfortable, ask yourself what the rewards have been when you have stepped out of your comfort zone before. Anything you’ve already done you can do again. There are things you can and cannot control, asking for what you want is one of those you can control.
How many people around you are doing great work? How often do you tell someone how great they’re...
Do you ever feel stuck? Stumped? When you can’t think about what to say, do, write or produce next? It could be an email, dealing with a difficult conversation or working on a project. It could be when you’re ruminating about something in your life. How long does it take to get out of that place? It’s easy to stay stuck when not aware. And yet, it is as easy and as fast as a finger snap to get out of that headspace. YES, IT IS! I PROMISE!
You may be asking, “In a finger snap?” Yes! And here’s how – first of all you have to be aware enough to know you’re stuck and not get frustrated. The more you practice this the faster you build up an awareness. The minute you’re aware, smile and say to yourself, “Oh yes, I’m stuck and now I can get unstuck!” Here are three game changing techniques that I use to get unstuck.
“Words are our most inexhaustible source of magic.
Capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it.”
- K. Rowling, Harry Potter
“I am tired.”
“I am overwhelmed.”
“I am happy.”
“I am sad.”
Time to reframe. Our brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. “I AM” – this is incredibly powerful! Powerful and beautiful at the same time. We can use it as good or evil! We can use it for ourselves and for others!
Please take a moment to write down your answer to this question…
Who are you? I mean, really – who are you? Who are you inside? Why are you here on this earth, in this beautiful universe?
So, who are you? Are you kind, beautiful inside and out, loving, strong, brave, alive, generous…?
Now answer this question…
How do you feel right now?
Do you feel happy, sad, tired, overwhelmed, energetic, lethargic?
Notice the difference! How...
Do you have a coach? Has executive coaching even been suggested to you? What were your initial thoughts after learning about coaching or given the suggestion to work with a coach? Often when I suggest coaching to executives or companies who are not familiar with what coaching is, I get two types of responses. “I don’t want to pay for this self-development hippy stuff” (Art) or “I don’t need a work psychologist” (Science). If that is you, I challenge you to reframe that executive coaching is neither one of those things and get curious by asking the following questions:
Coaching is a combination of both an art form and a science.
Some people don’t like you just because your strength reminds them of their weaknesses.
Have you ever been around someone who is completely organized and you start to think about how you’re not? Or how someone confidently enters a room, has a ton of energy, is always positive, speaks up in meetings, exercises every morning…and you wish you were more like that or could do that?
Most people, whether they want to admit it or not, have a fear of “being too much” or “not being enough.” What’s interesting is that these fears can feel amplified when we see behaviors in others we want or wish we had more of in ourselves, or less of for that matter.
Interestingly, when someone points out one of these behaviors in a questioning way, it’s easy to get triggered or feel, “Am I doing this too much?” or “Should I be doing this more?”
It’s time to rewire and own our stories of strengths. One of the best pieces of...